Any parent knows that life is hard and busy no matter which choices we make. If we choose to leave the workforce and be a stay-at-home parent, certain sacrifices come with that and there are many hard days “in the trenches.” If we choose to be a working parent, certain sacrifices exist there too, and there are still many hard days. Parenting is all hard – we just choose our hard.
If, however, years down the road you choose to transition from being a stay-at-home parent back into the workforce, there is a whole new set of challenges that await. Maybe you’ve been feeling the longing to change course for a while, or maybe something new caught your eye and stirred a passion you can’t deny. Whatever your reason for heading back to work outside of the home, you’re likely feeling a mix of excitement and guilt (not me missing the field trip I normally could’ve chaperoned).
You are probably also being met with a mixture of resistance and support from your family (not that kids would ever complain about having to pick up extra household duties). You might be wondering if you are crazy, because this ship barely stays afloat with you home every day – how in the world will it not all sink if you are back at work?!
Been there, done that. I see your excitement, your longing, your worries… your complete and total dread of getting “back out there” after all these years. But I can also be your biggest cheerleader, because from experience not that long ago, with a few tips and adjustments, I know you and your family can weather this change successfully!
Hold a Family Meeting
Big changes like this are best not to be a surprise. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with your whole family – even small children. Kids can understand a lot more than we give them credit for and they appreciate knowing if change might be coming. You can have family meetings where you check in with everyone for updates in their lives and make your new possibility part of your check in. Or, you can give them little insights into your new desires and possibilities over the course of several weeks at family dinners, so they feel like a part of your thought process, and one big, new change isn’t thrown at them in one fell swoop.
Getting the family on board is most of the battle and keeping them up-to-date on what you’re interested in doing will go a long way to making that happen. This especially applies to your spouse or partner as they will likely have to take on new roles in the family.
Practice New Routines
Even before you go back to work, start practicing the new load each family member is going to have to carry so that you can train kids on new chores, if necessary, but at the very least expectations are clear. Maybe your teenager will now take on some of the cooking and dinner prep like chopping the veggies or putting a pre-made casserole in the oven before you get home. Perhaps your younger children will learn how to do their laundry or clean their bathroom so that you have less on your plate for evenings and weekends. Your spouse might have to start taking a child to or picking them up from school. Practice these things ahead of time so that your first days and weeks back to work feel more normal. Getting into the habit of meal planning will also be a game changer.
Give Your Kids Chores
Maybe your kids already help out around the house, but there’s a good chance they could be pitching in a lot more. It’s easy to think that if we ask them to make their bed and take care of their personal hygiene, or even if they do another chore on top of that, that they are doing enough. In reality, though, that leaves you and your partner still carrying a majority of the household weight.
As your family is learning the above-mentioned new routines, you’d be surprised how much kids are capable of and they will greatly benefit from learning the lessons of time management and being part of a team.
Little kids can set and clear the table for a meal, load the dishwasher, empty trash cans, clean rooms, dust… the list goes on. Bigger kids can do just about anything if you teach them! Bigger cleaning jobs, yard work, cooking (even if you have to make small adjustments, it can be helpful!), meal prep on Sundays or packing lunches the night before school days… use them and teach them what it takes to run a household!
Embrace Outside Help
Going back to work will require you to practice asking for and accepting help. There are bound to be times you will need help getting a child home from school or to a practice, and that is ok! Maybe there is a teammate you can trade off with and agree they take the children and you pick them up. Or, carpools can come in handy if you and a friend have different hard days – you do Wednesdays and they do Fridays. Getting creative and using your village will allow you to feel like a lot more is possible and your family will feel your lower stress levels!
If you need help outside of carpooling, look in your area for services that provide what you need. Many dry cleaners will pick up and drop off clothes, you can get your groceries delivered, housekeepers can help maintain the bigger mess on a weekly or monthly basis if finances allow, and sites like care.com can help for things like childcare if you don’t know anyone near you.
No matter what, going back to work will be an adjustment and there will be bumps in the road. But all in all, with some of these tips and making some changes in your household, it is absolutely possible!
