A while back, one of my daughters experienced some drama and upheaval at her sports gym. It came out of nowhere and we were shocked, to say the least. She had worked so hard to make a competitive team and had just accomplished that goal. It had seemed like everything was working out the way it should.
We were so frustrated, and let’s face it, so angry about everything that went down… and how. Our daughter had been so emotional, but then so sure she wanted to start fresh at a new gym with strong coaching, and the place she knew most of her training buddies had gone. This wasn’t going to stop her, there was no “quit” in her.
There was no guarantee she could just hop into a new gym, though. But she was determined, so we pursued the opportunity. As luck would have it, the new gym welcomed her with open arms. So many doors opened and stars aligned shortly following the past gym’s drama, it seemed all too clear that this move was exactly right — as if it had been written in her story long before, and we just didn’t know it.
So then, imagine my surprise when it was so hard for me to submit the official withdrawal paperwork to her original gym! Why??
Why is letting go so difficult?! Why do we struggle to release something even when we KNOW it’s in our best interest (or our child’s)?
She’d been at the original gym over a year and a half. She’d found acceptance and community. She’d found accountability, challenge, and people who believed she could do more than she thought. And she thrived. She grew and grew until she was an athlete I didn’t even realize was possible in that amount of time. No matter how much heartbreak and head spinning an unfortunate situation caused, it was hard to forget all a place and its people gave to my child.
It was so much harder than I expected to hand over that cancellation paperwork, but I did it. Bittersweetly, we left that gym that had become a second home to her. She timidly walked into her new gym and began the process of learning to trust new coaches. But now we know that sometimes what’s in our future is beyond our wildest dreams.
Now, after letting go, she is thriving in her new gym and we look forward to the next chapter growing her even more than we thought possible. What new relationships are in store? Mentors? New skills and abilities? We look forward to an experience that, if we are ever called to leave again, will be hard to let go, too. I am reminded that one season always must end for the next to begin.
Fast forward to this school year wrapping up, and I sit here contemplating the fact that my sweet girl is about to embark on eighth grade and her little sister is going to middle school for the first time! How close we are to high school… While I know there is a beautiful future in front of them, I can’t help but sit here a bit frozen with fear.
I’m being forced to let go once again – but this time not of a gym, but my babies! My heart. I will do everything in my power, of course, to be right beside them every step of the way, but in so many ways, they will have to navigate this season on their own.
I guess all these experiences of letting go while they were little prepare us moms for the big ones, huh? As I realize all the ways I’ve had to let go of something along the way, I can’t help but recognize the sobering fact that I’ll be letting go a thousand more times throughout this motherhood journey. And honestly, that thought leaves me tempted to run back to bed and pull the covers over my head!
How do I feel these feelings, make these decisions… let go over and over?
I will remember every time I’ve done it before and the good that emerged from the new seasons. I’ll enjoy every second of what’s in front of me right now, knowing from experience that it’s fleeting. I’ll thank God for the memories and growth from all the seasons before and allow that to give me strength and (dare I say?) excitement for all the letting go coming my way in the future. Because letting go is what gets us to the next beautiful season with our kids.
Now, as they get older and feel it’s time for some chapters to end, I’m letting go again. Letting go of a piece of my heart as I remember years of memories as they move on… whether I’m ready or not. Letting go of who they were as I embrace who they’re becoming. I thought it was me who was supposed to teach them that they are strong and can do hard things. Turns out, they are constantly the ones teaching me.
We don’t just let go once. We let go over and over again. But we are not alone – that motherhood experience is universal no matter where we live, what we believe in, or what it is that we are letting go. We can feel that together.
